I haven’t set foot outside in 3 years, I haven’t even opened the windows. I don’t talk to anyone online, I don’t go out for groceries, I live alone.
This isn’t the first time. I dropped out of school when I was 14 and spent years alone in my room. I have spent my entire life trying to avoid the outside world, because when I go outside I am judged, bullied and hated. The loud sounds of cars make me scream and cry. I throw up often. I’m afraid. I can not speak to people. I’ve never had a friend or a genuine connection to others.
I am lonely, but I want to be more alone. I want to live somewhere miles away from other people. In my dreams all I can hear is the bugs and animals, no people, no cars, no family. More than anything I just want to feel safe, and people make me feel unsafe.
I wish no one could speak to me. I wish no one could look at me. I don’t know anyone.